a note to my treasured community:

as i sit, 

less than 2 hours before my relaunch

i find myself somewhere between

my purpose in life &

recipes for imitation crab 

which expires? today

(444dust song just came 

on SHUFFLE!

are you feeling it yet?)

that’s like Hard af Mode Deluxe(tm)

this world

this country

this state

is just not too hip on being kind 

to my folk and folks like me. 

if that wasn’t a hostile stage enough,

i also have buckets of oceans full 

of personal trauma 

which i sometimes look at

and shake my hands at

and wonder what 

tf do you want me do?

like it will give me an answer 

and then i’ll be free.

i realizing now it might not work like that.

i’m on a quest to be /really/ me—

no imitation. 

i don’t know when i “expire”

and i also don’t pretend to know 

what that even means

but i feel inclined to declare

that today

the day the imitation crab expires

(and 10 days before the ghee expires)

(my mind works in kitchen)

i am me. really me—wait

for it—

/really/ river. 

brick by brick

i’m going to get nice

and comfortable with what 

that means. 

some bricks taken away 

some bricks moved around

some bricks left alone

some bricks will break and make sound

i am here

and i choose to have no choice

the only way to be me

is to use my voice. 

i hope along the reclaimed buildings

and appropriate rubble

you will find yourself found

im curious, what does being you look and feel like? how/do you feel safe and supported in that endeavor? what helps along the way? <3

shoot me a message where you know me or send me an email really.really.river@gmail.com

as always,

with glee and open space for you,

river